One year ago today Kenny and I took our son- Eli Cooper Zickel from the "doma" for good- Gotcha Day! It is hard to believe it was that long ago. The memories are still so fresh in my mind. One regret I have is that I did not take a lot more pictures when I was over there. Hard to believe, however the trip was such an emotionally draining one that I found myself not getting the camera out as much as I normally would have. It is hard for me to think back to the emotional struggles that we had with the process. It was difficult being so far away from home, so far away from Jake and my family and friends. I can't believe that for even one moment we thought that we would not bring Eli home to be with us. But that was the case. I want to write this for everyone who is in the process or considering international adoption. This is part of our story--- hopefully it will bring some clarity to your journey.
We arrived in Kiev on May 23rd and were greeted at the airport by our facilitator and driver and driven about 45 minutes or so to our Kiev apartment (pictured here- the yellow building, we were on the first floor to the right of the door).We got settled in and met another couple who had been in the country for a week and who had accepted a referral for an almost 5 year old boy. I was a nervous wreck going into our appointment- May 24, 2007. We waited outside and were shuffled into a very small room with an interpretter and a psychologist. I had put together a small mini scrapbook with pictures of our family, extended family, our friends, Jake's friends, our home, school that our new child would attend and many other things. We sat down and took the two women through the book. All while we were doing it I kept glancing at the large stack of files sitting on the desk behind them. Files that appeared to hold the profiles of the children we were going to be choosing from. As we finished showing the album and answering questions- psychologist- "what type of child are you wanting?" us- "a child between 3 and 6 years old as healthy as possible with correctable issues" psychologist- "do you want a boy or a girl?" us- "we really don't have a preference." The psychologist then tells us that she wants us to hold on for a minute- that there was a file they had just received that she wanted us to look at but she needed to call and make sure the child was in fact where the file said they were- and that they were available for adoption. We waited, as many phone calls were made- lots of discussions- none of which we understood. And then about 10 minutes later she came to us with a file and said "I would like to show you this little boy- he is 4 1/2 years old" and she showed us this picture...
Kenny and I looked at each other, no words were needed, I had tears in my eyes. The psychologist proceeded to tell us that he seemed to be in good health. Gave us some limited backround on how he ended up in the system and then asked us if we wanted to meet him. Kenny asked what region he was in- because we had been told that some regions were more difficult than others... when we were told we were in shock, it was the same region that the family we were staying with at the time was adopting their little boy from. We said we wanted to meet him and began the paperwork.
The rest of the day was spent running around Kiev getting all kinds of paperwork done, and then finally at the end of the day ending up back at the Centers for Families and Children to get our referral to go meet the little man.
The next day (Friday- May 25, 2007) we took off early for Preluky--- which was just about 90 minutes by car outside of Kiev. We had to pick up some paperwork and then arrived at the Children's Home- or "doma" as it is called in Ukraine.
We were taken to a VERY small room where we sat with our facilitator, the orphanage director, the orphanage psychaiatrist, the orphanage doctor and a city official. About 10 minutes later in walked a woman with a very little boy. A boy that did not look like he was anywhere near 4 years old. A little boy that just stood barely in the door way looking down at the ground with a very sad look on his face and just rocked back and forth looking at the ground. A little boy dressed in a royal blue shirt with gingham bows and red shorts pulled up almost to his arm pits. All of the adults in the room were talking to him--- all I could understand was mama and papa... and encouraging him to come to us... he would just inch forward a little at a time still looking at the ground and rocking. Our facilitator told us to get out the crackers we had brought. I did and they caught his attention. He inched closer to me and allowed me to touch his hand. I could feel him trembling. I asked them to ask him if I could hold him. They did, he said "dah" and I pulled him up in my lap. I fell in love. I was scared, confused, petrified, but in love.
This is the very first picture we have of Eli. As you can see he wasn't used to having his picture taken yet. In his hand (you can barely see the purple top) is the train that he chose to play with when the psychiatrist said he could take one toy to go play with mama and papa. We then went to a very small little room and were left alone to try to get to know the little guy better. We stayed for about 45 minutes, and to say that it was a great visit would be lying. About every 5 minutes or so Eli would just fall on the ground. And fall HARD. It became apparent why he had so many bruises on his head. (Note: I want to say that I had to come back and add this part in because I had forgotten about this- something that was so overwhelming and concerning at the time that now I barely remembered.) It didn't appear to be a medical reason that he was falling, but more of a behavior reason- he would fall and then take a very sneaky look up at us to see if we were paying attention- it definitely seemed to be an attention seeking move. As our visit came to a close we walked up to the room where Eli stayed. We were shown his locker area and his locker. And then he took us in and showed us where he slept.
As he walked into the room he was beaming with pride. Our facilitator was telling us that he was telling all the kids that we were his mama and papa and he was going with us. I was amused when he got very upset when another little boy tried to get our attention- he didn't want any of that. He also showed us where his chair was in the main room and where all the toys were kept. As we went to leave he got very upset- I don't think he understood that we had to leave, that we couldn't take him right then. At this time we hadn't even said for sure that we wanted to accept the referral- but I couldn't leave without telling him that we would be back again.
We left the room and left Eli and went outside. At this time our facilitator had the more indepth medical files. As she read them to us I was confused. It was obvious that he was delayed- that I could handle- however the medical diagnosis on these new papers were different than what we had been read at the initial meeting. We now had a diagnosis of organic central nervous system disorder. What was that? I had no idea? what did it mean. Was that why he fell on the floor so much? And emotional labile personality disorders. What was that???? He did seem slow- compared to the average 4 year old American child...but wasn't that suppossed to be the case for these children - especially one who had spent every day of their life since they were 2 months old in an institution- with very little sensory stimulus. We were freaked out and we didn't know what to do--- we had to answer the question- do we accept the referral? Do we want to adopt this child. All I knew was that I had told that little boy that I would come back tomorrow, and that I was going to do... so we said yes, we will adopt this boy.
We visited Eli again on Saturday, Sunday and Monday. During those visits he continued to fall on the ground many times, however it seemed to get less and less. We also noticed that when he ran he always ran and leaned to the right- did that mean anything? We were falling more and more in love with the little dude everyday, but the more time we spent with him the more quesitons we had about his health, yet we were still moving forward with the process... filling out forms, running around getting things notarized, setting up court dates. Our facilitator told us that even though you normally had to do any medical evaluations before you decide to move forward that it was still within our rights to go and have him seen by a doctor outside the orphanage. After a lot of praying and guidance we decided to take Eli into Kiev to be seen by a doctor at the American Medical Center- we did this on Tuesday May 29, 2007. First off Eli was so excited to be able to leave the orphanage and ride in a car... he was amazingly good for the 90+ minute ride. After seeing the doctor (born and raised in NJ USA and a graduate of Rutgers Medical School) we were a little more settled. He said Eli did have what would be considered developmental as well as speech delay however he did not see any overwhelming neurologic issues. I had said, if the doctor gave him a good review that I would move on and leave it all in God's hands. Well I wasn't prepared for Wednesday!
Wednesday may go down as the absolute worst day in the Ukraine for us. It was HOT... very HOT... and we went to visit Eli... Our facilitator had to leave to do some running- getting paperwork together, notarized, meeting with all the right officials. We didn't have much water with us and only a little snack for Eli. During our visit with him he well- wasn't very nice- he spat on me at one point, he hit, he wouldn't do anything we told him to do and for a while when we watched him with the other kids in his groupa he just seemed different. Not sure how to describe it but different. He went in for nap time and Kenny and I were left alone outside- did I mention it was hot... well we sat there for almost 2 hours, outside on a swing, no water to drink, I hadn't eaten in more than 24 hours and all we could do was sit and think, and talk... and I LOST it... I was crying so hard I didn't know what to do... something was telling me- do not adopt this child... finally Galya (our facilitator) came back... yet she was still in a hurry, she had to grab us and head back to town for more meetings and paperwork all so we could keep our court date on Friday. But did I want that court date? I was a physical and mental wreck... all I wanted to do was call home, and so that is what we did. As soon as we got back to the center of town Kenny took me to the post office where they had a phone and I called home. My dad answered the phone- I am surprised he could understand me at all due to the exhaustive crying. My dad said to me, "Shannon- do you love him and will you ever be able to sleep without seeing his face in your dreams" I knew the answer and mumbled through the tears simply "yes I love him!" and then my dad said- "Grab that little boy, hold onto him and bring him home- it will all work itself out!" And at that moment that is what I decided to do! There was no more thinking, no more questioning the decision- it was done. Eli was coming home with us.
On Friday June 1, 2007 we had our court date. The judge was such a friendly man and he had such a sense of humor. He asked us lots of questions about how we were planning on raising Eli, what our life was like, why we wanted to adopt and the funniest question of all- if we were hiding any money from the government! I wish! After a short recess where he and other court officials deliberated - over what I am not sure... we were officially declared the parents of Eli Cooper Zickel. We were excited to get back to the "doma" and give our new son a big hug. We showed up just in time to join in on the puppet show and celebration of Ukrainian National Childrens Day- a fitting day for us to officially become the parents of our little guy.
The next 10 days were a required mandatory waiting period before we could take Eli with us for good- just to make sure there was no one who wanted to contest the adoption. 
During that time Kenny and I decided to rent a room in Preluky so that we could visit Eli on a more frequent basis. Pictured here is one of the nicer hotels in the city, along with a snapshot of our room. I tell you, the Egyptian decor made it feel so much like home ;)
One thing that you could always count on being a visual breath of fresh air were the churches around the Ukraine. They certainly took pride in their places of worship, a few of my favorites were this green one in Preluky- it was behind the main market and locked behind gates so we could not get inside to see.
The one snapped as we were speeding down the road was taken on our way to Eli's birth city to get his birth certificate changed to list us as his parents. This was about 90 minutes from Preluky. And my favorite of them all, I believe it was St. Michaels in Kiev, but not 100% sure, need to go back and check on the name. Anyway... during the 10 day waiting period we did a lot of visiting. We continued to bond with Eli and play a lot on the playground- which I would not say was a very safe place to play. We also took a lot of walks around the orphanage. I will say that this was grueling, sometimes we were left alone with no translator, there wasn't a lot to do and it was difficult to keep Eli's attention. But this time was very important for bonding- and that we did. We were able to take him from the orphanage on June 12th. And that we did! 
Here he is in daddy's arms ready to walk out the door in the clothes that we had purchased for him from the supermarket in Kiev, his very first posessions- a Tigger outfit and pair of sandals.
So many things have changed in the last year. I will tell you we have certainly had our ups and our downs. I asked myself the question which our adoption advisors had told me I would... "why did I ever do this" on more than one occassion in the first few months. But those memories have completely faded away. I know why I did this. This boy was the missing piece to our family. He was always meant to be with us, I am so grateful that I was able to look past all the apprehensions I had and trust God and my instincts, and listen to my father! Happy Gotcha Day Eli- Daddy, Jake and I are never going to let you go!
